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[JOTD] Joke of the day


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Mathematics

Teacher: if you had one dollar and asked your Uncle for one more dollar, how much would you have in total?

Student: One dollar.

Teacher: You don't know your Maths .... :angry: :angry: :angry:

Student: You don't know my Uncle !!!! :s :s :s

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Lost in translation....

Breaking into Another Man's Paradise

Son : Daddy, what is in between Mummy's Legs? :huh: :huh: :huh:
Father : Oh my Son ... Its Paradise.... :) :) :)
Son : And Daddy what's between your Legs? :unsure: :unsure:
Father : The key. :D :D :D
Son : Oh ... Then i Strongly suggest you should change the Lock, because our neighbour has a Spare Key . And he has been using his Key to Enter into Mummy's Paradise whenever you are Not At Home !!! :( :( :( :s
:s :s :s

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

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Damned Egg

An African man and Englishman lived next door to each other.

The African owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The African man ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the African man said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the African man put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.

The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The African man smiled and said, "You can keep the damn egg!!"

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A major wanted to know how strong his soldiers are. he ordered them to stand naked in a
line in 5 degrees celsius cold atmosphere before a naked young girl.

he started cutting those soldiers dicks which arose and throwing in to a bucket. last soldier laughing vigorously. major asked why he laughing.

soldier said "sir assume if you drop her pussy into that bucket, how those dicks fight to own it." :lol:

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A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today,but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell,because the young couple haven't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.Smith? You're a month overdue, you know! "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company."What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely."Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit and he mad as a bull,rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off."And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

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The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone just her and I

Her hair so soft
her eyes so blue

I knew just what she wanted to do

Her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine

I didn't know how
but I tried my best
to place my hand on her breast

I remember my fear
my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread her legs apart

And when she did
I felt no shame
as all at once the white stuff came

At last it was finished
it's all over now,
my first time.... milking a cow

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once micr0$oft sends his programmer for boot camping ..
boss orders programmer to shoot at target with 10 bullets
after programmer shoots.. the person from target yells that no bullet hit the target
then programmer take one more bullet , put his finger infront of barrel and shoots
his finger bursts
then programmer yells to target " all working fine here, problem is on your side "

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A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must! be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

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When Fred found out he is going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father would die, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy all the money he would get.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother!

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My wife and me were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

"Yes," she replied.

Then I said, "I'd like to phone a friend."

That's the last thing I remember after waking up in Hospital.

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When the Software industry had badly gone down, three giants Sun, SCO(UNIX) and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condo, CondomiX and MS-Condom respectively.

A customer using Java-condo complained to Sun that the condom doesn't fit correctly.

Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard". They boasted that it will fit to any size irrespective of underlying structure.

Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he finishes reading the instructions, given along with CondomiX, his wife was sleeping and he himself forgetting why he is using CondomiX.

Finally he switched to MS-Condom.

To his surprise it was so good........and comfortable!. He used it happily.

Six months later he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and complained to Microsoft.

He got his reply from Microsoft:
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. What do u think was Microsoft's reply...........???
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A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!

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The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.

Address it and say, "I'm a Sperm." She will answer, I'm the Egg." From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, "Then, good luck!"

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel.

A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm.

He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach
the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm."

The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil."

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Knock Knock ...

Somebody knocks on door:
- Who is there?
- Police?
- What do you want?
- We want to talk.
- How many of you are there?
- Two.
- So talk with each other.

:) :) :) :) :)

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