Krinal Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" She asked him. "Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?" "I would have gotten out today." 🙂 Karlston, TrojanK, leapinlizards and 1 other 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Krinal, scarabou, TrojanK and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Santa: I'm going to watch "Mission Impossible" tonite. Banta: On cable or at theater? Santa: Not the film, my wife bought slim fit jeans & she is going to try it !! Karlston, scarabou, aum and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. "Anything from $2 to $2,000." "Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket." "How does it work?" asked the customer. "For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder." flash13, TrojanK, scarabou and 2 others 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Karlston and leapinlizards 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform. "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked. The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed." Krinal and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Krinal, flash13 and scarabou 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 jbleck, Krinal, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Santa: its simple. I will stop my imagination!! TrojanK, aum, Karlston and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 I’m giving up drinking until Christmas! Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up, drinking until Christmas! leapinlizards, flash13, jbleck and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 scarabou, Krinal and flash13 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 TrojanK, scarabou, Krinal and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are still missing! Krinal, flash13 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Husband and wife in bed, she says to him "say something dirty to me please", he replies "the kitchen". flash13, aum, scarabou and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be... There's no need to remind her every half hour. flash13, Karlston, scarabou and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 Karlston, TrojanK and Krinal 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 TrojanK, Karlston, Krinal and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt. Others insist on a pair of socks. The argument always ends in a tie. leapinlizards, Krinal, Karlston and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 At Swinburne University, there were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to Sydney and visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the Uni until late Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but, on the way, back they had a flat tyre and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written: Spoiler For 95 points: Which tyre went flat? Krinal, leapinlizards, aum and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 Dad, I got my smarts from you, didn’t I? That’s right my clever boy! Yup, thought so, mom still has hers. Krinal and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 12, 2020 Share Posted November 12, 2020 Santa was writing past tence of "I make a mistake" Guess what he wrote ? "I was made by a mistake" Karlston, scarabou, TrojanK and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 12, 2020 Share Posted November 12, 2020 The Kawasaki motorcycle salesman had a big problem that virtually stopped his sales. Every time he sat on a new Kawasaki to demonstrate its features, he would let go an enormous fart, but unlike any ordinary fart, it would go, HONDAAA!!!!! This upset him terribly and eventually he went to his doctor for help. The doctor was confused and after a long read of his medical dictionary he finally in great excitement said, “I’ve got it! You have an abscess in your bottom." Spoiler And everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Hondaaaa! Krinal, scarabou and flash13 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 13, 2020 Share Posted November 13, 2020 Wife: Look at that man who has drunk a lot.. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10 year ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage. Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!! Karlston, phen0men4 and JimmyQ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 13, 2020 Share Posted November 13, 2020 On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." TrojanK, flash13 and jbleck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 13, 2020 Share Posted November 13, 2020 TrojanK, Krinal, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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