Karlston Posted October 14, 2020 Share Posted October 14, 2020 Krinal and flash13 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 aum, scarabou, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home. TrojanK, flash13, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 TrojanK, Krinal, flash13 and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 15, 2020 Share Posted October 15, 2020 Karlston, scarabou, Krinal and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house." scarabou, flash13, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 I didn't even know I had turned from a human into a robot Krinal, Karlston, scarabou and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 Karlston, Krinal and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 flash13, funkyy and Krinal 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Karlston, scarabou, leapinlizards and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 A couple was celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. For the entire time they had been married, the wife had kept a safe which the husband had never been allowed to look into. He asked her if, since they had been married so long, he could see what she had been keeping all these years. She said OK and opened the safe. In it were a pile of money totalling $10,000 and three chicken eggs. He asked her, "What are the eggs doing in there?" She said,"Well, I have to admit that I haven't been completely faithful to you. Whenever I strayed, I put an egg in the safe." He thought about it and said, "Well, I guess I can't be too upset about three eggs. But where did all the money come from?" She replied, "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them." TrojanK, Karlston and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 Karlston and Krinal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?" Tammie give it to me" Bubba replied. "She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a New truck?" "Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! " "Bubba, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!" TrojanK, Krinal and leapinlizards 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 17, 2020 Share Posted October 17, 2020 flash13, jbleck and Krinal 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 TrojanK, Karlston and Krinal 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: BullSh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.. A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the birdfroze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay here all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut! leapinlizards, TrojanK, vitorio and 3 others 3 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Karlston, flash13, Krinal and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 flash13, TrojanK and Krinal 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 scarabou, Krinal and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied "S-H-!-T". She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-!-T". The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-!-T". The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-od I-ts F-riday; get it?" The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday". rushdie, leapinlizards and scarabou 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 flash13, Krinal and Karlston 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Krinal, Abacaxi, jbleck and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no, but explained the situation. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" Karlston, TrojanK, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 rushdie and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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