Karlston Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 flash13 and Krinal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 25, 2020 Share Posted July 25, 2020 There is an old story about the data center of the future. This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer. TrojanK, Krinal, danielson and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day? Well, I don’t know, – she answers, BF-OK, that I give you another year to think about it… kyber and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, DeNephew. TrojanK, Lexionline, leapinlizards and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 danielson and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 Krinal, vitorio, flash13 and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 Doctor:Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor:They Are For You.!! TrojanK, flash13, aum and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 My wife divorced me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about now is how to win her back. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled. "No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor. "No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!" TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" Karlston, leapinlizards and TrojanK 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!" "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, " Well, I can top that, I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them," she replied. The third nun said, "Oh shit!" shamu726, kyber, Karlston and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 Masks are the new Bras, they're uncomfortable to wear, you only wear them when you're in public areas, and if you don't wear one, everybody notices. // R kyber, leapinlizards, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 Seen in a newspaper Personals column... Single man with toilet paper would like to meet single woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. kyber, aum, TrojanK and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: • A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.” • “Who built the English Channel?” • “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?” • “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear.” • “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?” Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrishKing Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Best way to slap an annoying person.!!! Krinal, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrishKing Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 My boss told me to have a good day, so i went home. Krinal, leapinlizards, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house picking up after him." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash it when you are done and put it back in its proper place.'" The woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend replied, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." Edited July 30, 2020 by aum leapinlizards and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 From a mate – thought I'd share . . . . • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. • Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom • Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. • Home schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job. • I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone • This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog.... we laughed a lot. • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business. • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. • Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat • I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear? • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom. • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. • Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended. • Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under. kyber, leapinlizards, TrojanK and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain. kyber and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex. He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation. One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming to die." She laughed and replied, "I was just coming down to kill you!" kyber 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 TrojanK and Krinal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 31, 2020 Share Posted July 31, 2020 A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'pen.s.' Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH! Karlston, kyber, Lexionline and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?" "So you can all be really sad when I die." kyber, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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