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[JOTD] Joke of the day


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Lost in translation....

As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"
 

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The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.


"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."


"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
 

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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.


He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.


The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.


The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."


At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.


"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.


The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."


The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.


Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."


"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"


Don't mess with Old People.
 

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A little child was in church for the first time and watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.

When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster said in a little voice loud enough for everyone to hear:

"Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five."
 

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An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.


To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved "I love you, Sally".


On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.


The husband says: "We've got to give it back".


She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up in their attic.


The next day, two policemen are going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money show up at their home.


One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"


She says: "No"..


The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."


She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

But the policemen sit the man down & begin to question him.


One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."


The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school yesterday ..."


At this, the policeman looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here ..."
 

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29.jpg

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Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth!"
 

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Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.


After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.


The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"


The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."


The first man asked, "How's that?"


"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast... she farted and flew out the window!"
 

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Posted (edited)

- What happened ? What was that noise ?
  I broke a glass, dear!
- I'll be right there with the broom!
  It's not urgent!... You can come on foot!

Edited by Abacaxi
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Posted (edited)

top-tru.jpg

 

HELP ME ! My Memory is gone !

Who am I ?

Edited by Abacaxi
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Knock knock

=Who's there?

Tank

=Tank who?

You are very welcome.

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Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.


Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"


The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"


One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."
 

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Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you. Give me your money!

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