polinom00 Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 Why would women have all the fun Karlston, ghost and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. "Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool." "Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?" Karlston, ghost, Abacaxi and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?" Don't mess with Old People. Karlston, ghost, Pequi and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 A little child was in church for the first time and watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster said in a little voice loud enough for everyone to hear: "Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five." Abacaxi, ghost, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he had carved "I love you, Sally". On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars. The husband says: "We've got to give it back". She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up in their attic. The next day, two policemen are going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money show up at their home. One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?" She says: "No".. The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the policemen sit the man down & begin to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school yesterday ..." At this, the policeman looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here ..." leapinlizards, Karlston, Pequi and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 flash13, ultrahub, Pequi and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them. Abacaxi, ghost, Pequi and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth!" ghost, Pequi, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch." The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast... she farted and flew out the window!" TrojanK, Abacaxi, ghost and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 (edited) - What happened ? What was that noise ? I broke a glass, dear! - I'll be right there with the broom! It's not urgent!... You can come on foot! Edited May 2, 2020 by Abacaxi Karlston, aum and ghost 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 aum, TrojanK, Abacaxi and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 (edited) HELP ME ! My Memory is gone ! Who am I ? Edited May 2, 2020 by Abacaxi ghost, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina989 Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 Love this thread. Very funny! Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 ghost 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 ghost and Pequi 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 TrojanK, Abacaxi, ghost and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Knock knock =Who's there? Tank =Tank who? You are very welcome. ghost and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?" One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working." Abacaxi, Pequi, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you. Give me your money! Karlston and ghost 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 ghost, flash13, Pequi and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Pequi, ghost, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me! Pequi, TrojanK, Karlston and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." "My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much." Abacaxi, ghost, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.” Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination. The woman looked up to heaven and said, “Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.” Karlston, Pequi, ghost and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 Months, 10 weeks, 10 years ? " Doctor: "Nine...eight...seven... Edited May 5, 2020 by Abacaxi ghost and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.