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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood."
 

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The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"


The student replied, "Here's an orange."


The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"


The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
 

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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.


They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."


They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."


They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's rib, said, "That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one."


The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
 

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1 hour ago, Rainmaker said:

Me right now...

 

And me :)

 

Just posted this, may help...

 

 

Please note, I can't be held responsible for giving anyone another reason to self-isolate :D

 

But seriously, have clippers and a larger guide comb on the way.

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JeepWillys58
3 hours ago, flash13 said:

22000.png

That's me!!! :lmao:

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An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.


"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"


"I'd have to say the living one."
 

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Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht thefrist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl msesand you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raedervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.


Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......
 

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