Jump to content

[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

Recommended Posts

13b.jpg

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  1. Knock, knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Tank. 
    Tank who? 
    Your welcome!
Link to comment
Share on other sites


A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Link to comment
Share on other sites


10a.jpg

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites


36 (2).jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites


A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.

At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."

At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, just getting a little cold."

But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfort her, "What happened?"

She replied, "I told you it was getting cold. So I shut off the giant fan."

 

 

 

 

Two boys, John and Tommy, walk into a candy story. While in the store John steals 4 candy bars and puts them in his pocket. When the boys leave John brags, "I stole 3 candy bars, beat that!"

Tommy says "No problem, just follow me." They go back into the store and Tommy approaches one of the shopkeepers.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Would you like to see some magic sir?" The man says yes and Tommy immediately opens 4 candy bars and eats them as fast as he can.

The shopkeeper, who is now angry, asks "Where is the magic?"

Tommy replies "The candy bars are now in my friend's pockets

 

 

 

What has a single eye but cannot see?

Spoiler

A needle

 

How many seconds are in a year?

Spoiler

Only 12. January 2nd, February 2nd, etc.

 

What goes up and never comes down?

Spoiler

Your age.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites


After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites


Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge.


"Why can't this case be settled out of court?" the judge asked.


Pete looked up at the judge and said, "That's what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered."
 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites


Winters are fierce in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought a pair of earmuffs for his foreman. One cold, blustery day, he noticed that the foreman wasn't wearing them. In fact, he couldn't recall a time he'd ever seen the man wear the earmuffs.

 

Walking up to his foreman, he asked "Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?"

 

"Oh, they were a thing of beauty and kept my ears nice and toasty warm!"

 

"Then why aren't you wearing them?"

 

"Well, I did wear them that first cold day, but then someone offered to buy me a drink and I didn't hear him!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites


15.jpg

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites


Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...