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[JOTD] Joke of the day

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An elderly couple were sitting in their pew in church when the wife leaned over to her spouse and whispered into his ear.


"I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"


To which her spouse replied loudly, "I think you should change your hearing aid batteries!"

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Charlotte, North Carolina. USA.


A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.


Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.


In his claim, the lawyer stated the 24 cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."


The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.


The lawyer sued.. and WON!


(Stay with me.)


Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim!


Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".




After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!


With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.


This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest!

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A tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.

"Don't be scared, Susan," her husband said. "We are not hurt."

Susan continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy because this is the first time in 15 years we've been out together."





The new bride went crying to her mother. "Momma, I can't get my husband to do anything. I want him to fix up the house, but he keeps putting it off."

"Honey," her mother replied, "after being married to your father for thirty-eight years, I've found the only way to get him to do anything is to tell him he's too old to do it."

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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.


There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


Life is sexually transmitted.


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again


All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'


Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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