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rudrax

[JOTD] Joke of the day

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Vdogeek

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? 
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

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tao

A Medical lecture on harmful foods:

 

'The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. The following are just a few examples:


Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High trans-fat diets can be disastrous
Germs in our drinking water.


But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'


After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Yeah, ........Wedding Cake.'

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tao

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

 

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

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tao

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary. Afraid of sexual harassment issues he held himself off for a week, but finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her.

 

But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on. So, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?"

 

Looking him in the eyes, she replied, "My lawyer!"

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tao

A minister stood in front of his congregation and announced, "I have good news and bad news.

 

The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

 

The bad news is that it’s still in your pockets.”

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tao

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."


She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said.

"That's right, said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."


With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."


He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. I cant get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."

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IronY-Man

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?

Spoiler

A: They can smell it but they can't eat it!

 

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